Trying to "raise 'em right"

Looking back to my teenage years I am beginning to realize the hell I must've put my parents through. I remember thinking how mean my dad was for not letting me stay up past 9pm and why couldn't I go to my friends house this weekend although I was there last weekend. Why my mom treated me like I was five when it came to doing "teenage" things although she has been treating me like a grown up in every other aspect of my life since I was 11 years old.

And then...I became a Mom. A mom of a teenager. Two now to be exact. I think about the mean things I thought of my dad or being overly annoyed with my mom when it turned into a "she's too young" debacle when I was asked to the senior prom as a freshman. I remember feeling hatred in my heart when she finally did allow me to go to the prom with a SENIOR in high school when I was 15 years old and then gave me a curfew of 11pm. 

But you know what? I was home by 11pm the night of the prom and was in bed every night on a school night by 9pm. With out any lip.

Now...I am Mom. Of a Junior in High School and an 8th grader. All of a sudden I've realized WHY my parents did what they did.

Luckily, for me; Technology wasn't what it was back then like it is today. There was no email, cell phones, texting, facebook, instagram, twitter, Kik, Snapchat, private messaging. There was no way for them to actually see what I was doing or saying from the moment I left that front door. There was no parentlink to check on my grades to see if I was doing well nor were they able to click on link to see if I had missing assignments.

If they did have that option back then...I surely would have been in a lot more trouble than I already was! Now, I wasn't a "terrible" teenager. I wasn't overly disrespectful, I never got expelled from school, had detention maybe 3 times in my life. I helped around the house, did my chores and did what I was asked when I was asked. I did go through a brief "overly rebellious" stage but looking back to that - I feel like that could have been controlled if my parents had stepped in away from their own "drama" to realize that it was a time they need to invest in me rather than themselves.

I am not angry at my parents for this. I do not hate them for it. For allowing me to sorta "fall through the cracks" (if you will) - it took me years to realize that I am grateful for it. For a few reasons. It let me live. Experience things that made me realize that drugs, alcohol and hanging with people who weren't influencing me for the better wasn't what I needed. It's not who I wanted to be. It also made me realize that I would make sure to put my kids before me...always. Before my grief, my wants or needs and make sure to never let them "fall through the cracks" it helped me become a better parent.

Now here comes the hard part. Although my parents "shortcomings" (if that's what they were) helped me become a parent that I can be proud of- it still didn't give me answers. It doesn't help me know what the right choice is. It doesn't help me see in to the future and know that what I do today will shape my kids to be extraordinary human beings in the future. Because...regardless of me or my strength, my tenacity...my kids are human beings. With their own thoughts, their own wants, needs, desires and horror of my horror with their own minds.

As a parent, you want to put bubble wrap around your kids from the time they can crawl. Stick them in a bubble to keep them from sickness, harm and the nasty nature of the world. And you can't. That honestly, has be the scariest most overwhelming feeling in the world. Loving someone more than you could ever love yourself. Knowing that you would do ANYTHING to keep your kids safe. From Everything.

And then...the logical part of my brain realizes that doing that...keeping your kids from everything...does exactly that. It not only keeps them from the bad- it keeps them from the good too. The beauty of the world. Learning how to make mistakes and learning from them. Getting their heart broken for the first time only to meet someone new and only knowing you deserve better because of the person who hurt you.

It's such a delicate balance. Knowing when to pick your kids up when they fall...and letting them figure out how to stand up again.

So how do we figure out that balance? How do we know what the right thing is? When to let them fall and when to pick them up? My parents always said "there's no book on how to raise kids" and I remember thinking... "well, you are a parent...shouldn't you just KNOW" and the answer is...No. Because now as a parent I know that I am literally just "winging" it. We all are. But I do know this...

As a parent...it's our job to teach. Teach our kids to be respectful, hard-working and kind. It is also our job to teach our kids how to stand up for themselves and to realize that the world is a mean, cruel place and it's nobody's job to HAND US ANYTHING. The world owes us nothing. You want nice things? Work for it. It's our job to teach our kids to say please and thank you. Hold the door for the person behind you because it's respectful. To respect our elders and to watch their mouths regardless of your age. That yes, someday we will be friends but first we will always be their parent and that too should be respected.

That although they may have a TV and Cable in their room, the hottest new iPhone and the coolest clothes on the market that it isn't something that is required of us. It's because we love them and want to give them things to make them happy but it can easily be taken away. The law doesn't state that an iPhone is a necessity of being well taken care of. That it isn't our job to "entertain" you. Going to dinner, Mcdonalds and a trip to the movies isn't a way of life...it's the perks.

Because when they do move out on their own they are going to have to figure out how to take care of themselves. To get a job, pay bills, deal with REAL LIFE. Teach your kids how to cook, clean and manage money. Teach them that they have chores...and NO you aren't getting paid for taking the trash out because you are a part of this family and you WILL contribute to the care of the home you live in. Your "allowance" is that $60 a month phone bill that your texting on and that brand new pair of kicks on your feet.

Try and raise your kids right. Teach them values. Teach them respect. Teach them to have morals. Teach them to respect YOU. They are our future. And from where I sit...we are in trouble if we don't start changing our outlook on "parenting."